70 Vampire Puns You Can Really Sink Your Teeth Into
Of all the fictional monsters, vampires are undoubtedly the most fleshed out. Everyone knows they drink blood, avoid sunlight, sleep in coffins, can’t see their reflections, and hate garlic, among many other traits. Then there are all the memorable celebrity vampires, starting with the immortal Count Dracula.
In other words, if you’re looking for vampire-inspired wordplay, there’s plenty of material to tap into. For those who enjoy such biting humor, we’ve put together the following collection of vampire puns. Whether you’re in need of a Halloween caption or just a good joke about bloodsuckers, you can get your fill here.
Riddles
Here are some vampire-related puns that take the form of riddles.
- What do you call it when a vampire loses track of his coffin?
A grave situation!
- What do you call a Scandinavian vampire?
Norse-feratu! - What do you call it when a vampire broadcasts his attacks on the internet?
A blood stream! - Did you hear they turned Dracula’s castle into a cute bed and breakfast when he was gone?
When he got back, he re-vamped the place! - What do vampires order at the bar?
Blood-weiser! - What day of the week do vampire get the most victims?
Thirst-day! - Why don’t vampires drink the blood of other vampires?
It leaves a bat taste in their mouth!
- How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes! - What flavor of ice cream do vampires like best?
Vein-illa! - Why aren’t vampires allowed to work for Uber or Lyft?
Because they drive everyone batty! - What did the woman say when she escaped Dracula’s clutches?
Better luck necks time! - How do you get your vampire hunting permit?
You have to pass a blood test!
- Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it! - What did Dracula’s victim say as he sank his teeth into her neck?
Well, this sucks! - Did you hear about the two vampires who have a bet to see who can rack up more victims?
They’re currently neck-and-neck! - How can you tell if someone has contracted vampirism?
They’re always coffin!
- Why did the vampire hunter puncture her bottle of Aquafina?
Because she heard vampires were repelled by holey water! - Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank! - What did Dracula say to the priest who visited his castle?
Don’t you ever cross me! - Why are vampires so easy to prank?
They’re all suckers! - What do you call a vampire with asthma?
Vlad in the Inhaler!
- What do you say to someone who refuses to believe their friend is a vampire?
Wake up and smell the coffin! - What happened when Dracula faced off against the Mummy?
He bit the dust! - Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula! - What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer! - What do you call a vampire who bites noses instead of necks?
Nose-feratu!
- Why did the vampire refuse to eat his eggs?
Because they were sunny side up! - Why do vampires always dress so nice?
Because they’re so vein! - What do you do if a vampire is approaching and you have nothing to defend yourself with?
Cross your fingers! - What did Van Helsing say when he failed to kill Dracula?
That was a huge missed stake! - What did Vampire Elvis say as he left the stage?
Fang you, fang you very much!
- What job did Dracula’s son have on his little league team?
Bat boy! - What’s the best way to track a vampire?
With a bloodhound! - Why did the vampire flunk out of art school?
He only wanted to draw blood! - How do vampires decide what restaurant to eat at?
They go wherever the stakes are rare! - Why doesn’t Dracula get a lot of support from his friends?
No one’s willing to stick their neck out for him!
- What type of a victim does Dracula go for on a hot summer night?
A cold-blooded killer! - Did you know there’s a whole group of people who worship Dracula?
They started a fang club! - Is Dracula’s fang club accepting new members?
Sure, they’re always looking for new blood! - What did the thief say after he robbed a group of vampires and escaped into the sunlight?
So long, suckers! - Why does Dracula stay away from cheerful people?
Because they have sunny dispositions! - Why do vampires love corny jokes?
Because they’re the pun-dead!
Captions
The following vampire puns are great for crafts, social media captions, and the like.
- You’re just my type.
- Undead? I prefer the term fun-dead.
- As you know, I can be a real pain in the neck.
- Have a fang-tastic Halloween!
- You can Count on me.
- I know, I suck.
- I’m busy looking for my necks victim.
- I am the greatest vampire ever… unless you Count Dracula.
- Hope you have a bloody good time this Halloween!
- I could go for a drink.
- Now this is a role I can sink my teeth into!
- I’ve always been a little batty.
- Some might say I’m a bit long in the tooth to be dressing up like this.
- Hope your Halloween doesn’t suck.
- Sucks to be me.
- Don’t worry, I don’t bite… more than once.
- I could go for a Bloody Mary right about now.
- Fangs for the memories.
- Hanging out with vampires is so draining.
- Guys, don’t be negative about my bloodsucking hobby. B positive.
- Vampirism is in my blood.
- There’s a sucker born every minute.
- Come see me if you’re ever in my neck of the woods.
- I worked hard on my costume, but it was all in vein.
- I was trying to think of what kills vampires, and then it dawned on me.
- Bat to the bone.
- I’m showing off my Halloween costume to little fang-fare.
