Turning a year older can be tough. Fortunately, we can lean on friends to offer moral support as we navigate difficult milestones such as birthdays.
Just kidding, of course. Most friends prefer to rub it in, especially if the one turning a year older is a guy. Birthday wishes for an older man – however you want to define “older” – can be downright brutal. In fact, phrases like “old fart” and “old bastard” are par for the course with this sort of birthday message.
If you’re looking to give a male friend a good ribbing on his birthday, we have just the list for you. In fact, we have more funny wording ideas than he can shake his elderly fist at. So, without further ado, here are 21 uniquely humorous ways to say “Happy Birthday, old man!”
- Happy Birthday to someone who deserves to be treasured. After all, fossils of your era are hard to find.
- Happy Birthday, old fart. There’s just one thing I want to know. What did they put on top of your birthday cake before the invention of fire?
- I heard you were middle-aged… as in, born in the Middle Ages. Happy Birthday, ye olde farte.
- Everything gets harder when you get older… except for your penis, of course. Happy Birthday, you old softy.
- Welcome to the curmudgeonly years, you crusty old bastard you.
- Happy Birthday to a relic from a bygone era.
- I was going to make fun of you on your birthday. Fortunately for you, I was taught to respect my elders.
- Better to be an old fart than a dumb ass. Happy Birthday!
- Birthdays suck when you’re old, but at least you don’t have too many more to go.
- Happy Birthday, old man. Hope you have an exciting birthday celebration… followed by a nice, long nap.
- Happy Birthday, old fart. Hope your birthday doesn’t stink.
- Relax, old man. You survived disco. You can survive another birthday.
- Happy Birthday, old fart. What’s that, you couldn’t hear me? HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD FART!
- You know how guys get better looking with age? Yeah, that doesn’t last forever. Happy Birthday, you sexy old bastard.
- Happy Birthday, old man. Now might be a good time to stop acting your age.
- They say that with age comes wisdom. You must be the exception that proves the rule. Happy Birthday to an exceptional old guy.
- Congratulations! After years of seasoning, you’re officially a salty old bastard.
- Your birthday is one of my favorite days of the year. It reminds me that you will always be older than me.
- They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. That’s because old dogs already know all the tricks. Happy Birthday, dawg.
- You’re at an age where you no longer give a shit. Heck, at your age, you’re happy when you can take a shit.
- You know what an old fart is? It’s when you say you’re 35 and it doesn’t pass the smell test.
Hope you enjoyed these birthday wishes for old farts. Just remember that what comes around, goes around. You can expect similarly harsh (and hilarious) treatment when your own birthday arrives.
For more funny birthday messages, check out this list of birthday cake sayings.