If Father Time is like most dads, he enjoys a good pun – and really enjoys a bad one. Fortunately, the New Year’s holiday provides lots of material to work with. Yes, there are plenty of drinking puns to be made, but there are also the resolutions, Times Square ball-dropping, midnight smooching, and all the other things you associate with the new year.
Not only are puns great for sharing on New Year’s Eve, but they’re a proven hangover cure. How does it work? Well, after reading the following list of New Year’s puns, you’ll be groaning so much that you’ll forget all about that splitting headache.
- What do you say to a cat on December 31?
Happy Mew Year!
- What do you say to a cow on December 31?
Happy Moo Year!
- What do you say to a home brewing fanatic on New Year’s Eve?
Hoppy Brew Beer!
- I’m not impressed with the organizers of the New Year’s Eve celebration at Times Square. They always drop the ball.
- How do you know you’ve found the New Year’s Eve party?
Look for the Auld Lang Sign!
- Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on December 31?
He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
- On New Year’s Eve, we shall be feeling no pain – except, of course, for the champagne.
- First I’m going to a kegger to have a Tappy New Year. Then I’m going to be hungover and have a Nappy New Year. Then I’m going to Starbucks for a Frappe New Year.
- Did you hear about the guy who assaulted a dozen people with a clock on New Year’s Eve?
He couldn’t wait for the clock to strike twelve!
- Resolutions were made to be broken.
- Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
There was a count down!
- Why did the wall fall down on New Year’s Eve?
It was plastered!
- Here’s a toast to our New Year’s resolutions, which will no doubt be toast by this time next year.
- Unfortunately I have two left feet, making it impossible for me to start the new year on the right foot.
- Why did the couple get married at midnight on December 31?
They wanted to ring in the new year!
- What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
- What do you call a bull that gets castrated on December 31?
An un-happy new steer!
- Where do chefs go to celebrate New Year’s Eve?
- What do you get when you mix alcohol and Viagra on New Year’s Eve?
A stiff drink!
- New Year’s Eve is the only time I have a bubbly personality.
- Wives are often the sober chauffeurs on New Year’s Eve. You might say they drive their husbands to drink.
- Did you know that on New Year’s Eve, even the fireworks made a resolution?
They want to stop smoking!
- Let’s celebrate New Year’s Eve by making many pour decisions.
- What does it mean if you were born in September?
That your parents started the new year with a bang!
- How do you know when Baby New Year is going through puberty?
When his ball drops!
- Don’t forget to lock lips at midnight, or else someone might steal a kiss.
- It’s a new year! Viva la resolución!
- What song should you sing on New Year’s Eve when you have no hair?
Bald Lang Syne!
- 2018 went by like a blur. My New Year’s resolution must have been too low.
- Celebrating New Year’s Eve has lots of pros, but what’s the biggest con?
- What do you say to someone who’s made a resolution to get butt implants?
Happy New Rear!
Haven’t hit your limit of New Year’s humor? Check out the funny sayings in our mega list of New Year’s wishes.