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Ring in 2024 With Some Timely New Year’s Puns

If Father Time is like most dads, he enjoys a good pun – and really enjoys a bad one. Fortunately, the New Year’s holiday provides lots of material to work with. Yes, there are plenty of drinking puns to be made, but there are also the resolutions, Times Square ball-dropping, midnight smooching, and all the other things you associate with the new year.

Not only are puns great for sharing on New Year’s Eve, but they’re a proven hangover cure. How does it work? Well, after reading the following list of New Year’s puns, you’ll be groaning so much that you’ll forget all about that splitting headache.

Feature image for article on New Year's puns

New Year’s Eve | Captions | Resolutions | Champagne

New Year’s Eve Puns

Let’s start with a corny countdown of the best New Year’s Eve puns for 2024.

  • Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on December 31?
    He wanted to make a New Year’s toast!
Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on December 31? He wanted to make a New Year's toast!
  • What do you say to a cow on December 31?
    Happy Moo Year!
  • What do you say to a cat on December 31?
    Happy Mew Year!
  • I’m not impressed with the organizers of the New Year’s Eve celebration at Times Square. They always drop the ball.
  • How do you know you’ve found the New Year’s Eve party?
    Look for the Auld Lang Sign!
  • Did you hear about the guy who assaulted a dozen people with a clock on New Year’s Eve?
    He couldn’t wait for the clock to strike twelve!
  • Why did the wall fall down on New Year’s Eve?
    It was plastered!
  • Unfortunately I have two left feet, making it impossible for me to start the new year on the right foot.
  • Why did the couple get married at midnight on December 31?
    They wanted to ring in the new year!
  • Did you hear that Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
    There was a count down!
  • What do you call a bull that gets castrated on December 31?
    An un-happy new steer!
  • Where do chefs go to celebrate New Year’s Eve?
    Thyme’s Square!
  • Wives are often the sober chauffeurs on New Year’s Eve. You might say they drive their husbands to drink.
  • What does it mean if you were born in September?
    That your parents started the new year with a bang!
  • How do you know when Baby New Year is going through puberty?
    When his ball drops!
  • Don’t forget to lock lips at midnight on New Year’s Eve, or else someone might steal a kiss.
  • What song should you sing on New Year’s Eve when you have no hair?
    Bald Lang Syne!
  • Celebrating New Year’s Eve has lots of pros, but what’s the biggest con?
    The con-fetti!


Here are some short puns to ring in 2024 on social media.

  • I’m starting 2024 with some pour decisions.
I'm starting 2024 with some pour decisions
  • Hoppy New Beer!
  • Just a New Year’s Eve looking for her New Year’s Steve.
  • This New Year’s Eve is popping.
  • This is just the sip of the iceberg.
  • Breaking hearts and resolutions.
  • Better be on your toes if you want to start 2024 on the right foot.

Resolution Puns

Now it’s time to break out some puns about New Year’s resolutions.

  • It’s a new year! Viva la resolución!
It's a new year! Viva la resolución!
  • This year went by like a blur. My New Year’s resolution must have been too low.
  • Did you know that on New Year’s Eve, even the fireworks made a resolution?
    They want to stop smoking!
  • Here’s a toast to our New Year’s resolutions, which will no doubt be toast by this time next year.
  • Resolutions were made to be broken.
  • What do you say to someone who’s made a resolution to get butt implants?
    Happy New Rear!

Champagne Puns

We think you’ll agree that this little collection of champagne puns is a real corker.

  • New Year’s Eve is the one time of year I have a bubbly personality.
New Year's Eve is the one time of year I have a bubbly personality
  • What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
  • What do you get when you mix champagne and Viagra on New Year’s Eve?
    A stiff drink!
  • On New Year’s Eve, we shall be feeling no pain – except, of course, for the champagne.
  • Do you need any training to pour champagne?
    No, but a degree in fizz-ics helps!

Haven’t hit your limit of New Year’s humor? Check out the funny sayings in our mega list of New Year’s wishes.

Mat Jobe