This List of Heart Puns Doesn't Miss a Beat

You can take it, lose it, follow it, cross it, or wear it on your sleeve. It can be hard, warm, full, heavy, stout, broken, or bleeding. You can pour it out or speak straight from it.

We’re talking of course about the heart. As you can see, there are plenty of English expressions featuring this vital organ, which holds a place of honor both anatomically and rhetorically. Because the word heart is in such wide circulation, it was relatively easy to come up with the following collection of clever heart-related wordplay. If you hate puns, your own heart might be sinking right now. If you love them, you should be pumped.

Riddles

To start, here are some punny heart riddles.

What’s the best shade of red for a heart?
Beat red!

What's the best shade of red for a heart? Beat red!

What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart!
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it!
What do you call someone who loves dark beer?
Stouthearted!
What’s the best tool to have when your heart sinks?
A Jack of Hearts!

What kind of car did the heart surgeon drive to work?
A beater!
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure!
Did you hear about the cardiologist who went to great lengths to win the heart of a hematologist?
It was all in vein!
What do you call it when you try to woo someone with 50% of a Valentine?
A halfhearted attempt!

Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart!
Why did the pianist have to be rushed into surgery after his latest performance?
He played his heart out!
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart!
What did the gardener give his sweetie for Valentine’s Day?
A heart beet!
Why did the girl color her Valentines pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted!

How do transplant surgeons make sure the right heart goes in the right person?
By being very organ-ized!
How did the cardiologist recognize her patients?
She knew them all by heart!
What happened when the girl stumbled while carrying a box of Valentine’s chocolates?
She poured her heart out!

Love

Here are some expressions of love that make use of heart puns.

I have a heart-on for you.

I can heart-ly wait to see you again.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.

You’re my heartthrob.
You’re so beautiful, I can heart-ly believe my eyes.
You’re my sweetheart, and I’m so pumped about that.
I followed my heart and it led me straight to you.

Are you a locksmith? Because you hold the key to my heart.
Are you playing heart to get?
I’ve lost my head, but my heart is in the right place.
You’re the queen of hearts and I’m just a joker.

Gifts

Finally, here are some heart puns you can attach to gifts, especially on Valentine’s Day. If you’re sending sweets, you might also want to check out these candy bar sayings.